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We’re building cities of Life |
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We’re building cities of Life
And setting them ablaze
With our word-balled comets
i close my eyes as the rain pours down
posted by Shreya @ 3:04 PM
daydreamer said...
Did you write that yourself?
*awe-struck*
It's very good!:)
PinkWhiskey said...
i Like!! :) it's something that i'm guessing people will be able to relate to easily. i really like the lines "one day it all comes back to me/ what i am now and what i used to be"
two things though:
1. wouldn't it make more sense to add "out" after block in the second line?
2. there's something missing.. i know some poems are just meant to be vague and open to interpretation, but personally, i'd enjoy it much more if you added another stanze, because the transition from the first to the second seemed kinda abrupt.
cheers on the post, though!! :)
meerasan said...
*double thumbs up!!*
I really like it.... ^_^ the tone is really uniform but have to agree with moyrn (ajooni) there maybey a stanza in between the first and second.... no idea i mean it's your piece of work!!
but toally loved it!!!
could you if possible write a background to this poem and post it?? i'd really like to know...
Shreya said...
nikki - i did write it n thanks.
moyrn - thanks. i didn't even think of the "out". it makes much more sense but when i say the whole sentence it kind of sounds funny.
and about another stanza, i think it had at least two more.the problem is, its old and i have horrible memory.
meerasan: thanks meera. About background, i wish i remember what it was about. i just have this vague idea, it wont make sense.
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Did you write that yourself?
*awe-struck*
It's very good!:)