| Friday, September 12, 2008 |
|
When my kite don't fly
and I don't know why
When yesterday seems a better place
for today sees a brand new face
Although my mind is at rest
Turmoil persists beneath my breast
This heavy heart I wish to leave behind
but for that I have to find
a way to take all but this pain
for all else is my treasured gain
Where lies this secret that I seek
the art to separate myself from the weak
I crave to rise, jump, fly and dive
back into the ocean that keeps me alive
Maybe the merging of tears with rain
the combination of joy and pain
is the secret to this game
the oil to feed this dying flame
Separation never did one good
it built the wall that bravely stood
resounding all that came its way
all the while thinking 'tis fair play'
never once did it see
until the crack that brought its fall
the personified ignorance it could be
to him, her, them, and all.
Yes, merging is the key
for without wholeness, what are we?
|
posted by Niku @ 7:52 PM  |
|
| 2 Comments: |
-
prettyful!! on the critical side of it, the verse got a little too extended, and disturbed the otherwise easy flow in one or two places, like "This heavy heart I wish to leave behind
but for that I have to find
a way to take all but this pain
for all else is my treasured gain" but its nothing a little bit of punctuation can't heal.
elsewise, i really enjoyed reading this. you've got a rhythm and great content working for you. and i think that the topic that you deal with in this poem is something all of us can relate to! love how it moves from quiet despair to introspection and ends on a hopeful note... Yes, merging is the key
for without wholeness, what are we?
took the words right outta my head :D post more!
xoxo
jooni
-
Thankyou Ajooni...for your criticism and appreciation! :)
i agree that my verses are a little too extended..but thanks for the punctuation suggestion..it probably will make it better :)
and i will post more..I'm slowly easing into the blog..it intimidated me at first though :P
thanks!!
|
| |
| << Home |
| |
|
|
|
|
prettyful!! on the critical side of it, the verse got a little too extended, and disturbed the otherwise easy flow in one or two places, like "This heavy heart I wish to leave behind
but for that I have to find
a way to take all but this pain
for all else is my treasured gain" but its nothing a little bit of punctuation can't heal.
elsewise, i really enjoyed reading this. you've got a rhythm and great content working for you. and i think that the topic that you deal with in this poem is something all of us can relate to! love how it moves from quiet despair to introspection and ends on a hopeful note... Yes, merging is the key
for without wholeness, what are we?
took the words right outta my head :D post more!
xoxo
jooni